The word LIKE like spreads like a virus

I remember a time when only Maynard G. Krebbs used the word LIKE in so useless a fashion. The trend no doubt started in California (as so many distasteful trends do) but has now completely invaded our society. People near and dear to me have been infected by the virus. Young people are especially vulnerable. The victims soon forget how to use the words ALMOST, ABOUT, APPROXIMATELY and the like. Then they succumb to using the word LIKE as a hedge against the possibility of error or as a built-in apology for inexactitude. Finally they simply throw the word into every sentence as a filler.

Sometimes the word is artfully (?) woven into an ordinary sentence several times. For example: "He, like, came in the room and, like, picked up the TV set and, like, started to, like, walk out with it. And I go, 'Like, what are you doing man.' And he goes, Hey dude, this is, like, my TV, man.' And I, like, go, 'Like, no way, man. I, like, paid to get it fixed and it cost me, like, fifty bucks, man."

You get the picture. Actually, I'm sure you got the dismal picture long ago as the above example is no exaggeration. In fact, you might have contracted the disease yourself and are totally unaware. When I find myself under a LIKE attack, I wish for a little hand-held digital counter that I could keep hidden in my pocket, silently clicking the counter for every LIKE. At the end of the barrage, I would whip out the counter and announce the number of LIKES to the astonishment of all. My worst fear, however, is that I myself may unwittingly become a perpetrator. My wife, like, has, like, strict instructions to, like, shoot me dead if that should, like, happen.